Clear The Decks

It's Saturday again. Are you planning to rest tomorrow? If so, what will you do today to make that more likely to happen?

Today's tip, as part of our ongoing Saturday Sabbath Starters, is this: clear the decks. This means take care of those niggling tasks that you've been putting off all week (or for the past several weeks). Maybe there are forms from the start of school that piled up all week. Do them now! Don't leave them until Sunday evening. Or maybe you have bills to pay. Set a timer for 15 minutes and see how many you can get done.

Whatever you can do today to take a bite out of the things hanging over your head will leave you that much more room to relax. Leave them hanging and they'll tickle at the top of your head all day, making it less than restful.

Join me in this! I've taken two one-hour stints to knock out the paperwork that's been piling up in my inbox. It feels so good to nearly see the bottom. And having accomplished something today will allow me to feel free to relax tomorrow.

Give it a try and see how it works for you!

Handling Dashed Expectations

“Progress always heightens our expectations, and we willingly go along for the ride. But before we board that train, it’s helpful to remember that “unrealistic expectations are but premeditated resentments.” If we don’t settle the issue of expectations versus contentment at the onset, it will mean problems later.”

~ from  In Search of Balance: Keys to a Stable Life by Richard A. Swenson, MD

In what areas of your life are you experiencing progress, or at least change? Have you thought at all about what it has done to your expectations as Swenson suggests?


As my kids started off the school year, I had no idea that I'd been building up some expectations. They're in new grades. Our school has experienced a big turnover in administration. But I hadn't been thinking about what that meant. I'd been assuming school would go on as before. I had expectations that things would only change in positive ways.


Guess what? I'd been putting together a nice set of resentments. And as changes have rolled out over the past week, my expectations have turned into just that: resentments. I'm at the point now where I need to take those expectations off the shelf and examine them. I need to do battle with those resentments. Because I truly desire contentment. And I agree with Swenson - as long as I don't settle the issue of those expectations, there will be problems down the road.


And sometimes those expectations are simply expectations that things will stay the same, or change will work in our favor. How I handle my disappointment over little things like the fact that our school no longer allows food at celebrations and the kids aren't allowed to play on the grass at recess any more matters. I have a chance to choose contentment in the midst of these insignificant situations. And I have a chance to model that for my kids. Do I have the guts to do it?


How about you? Have you had any expectations that were disappointed lately? How aware are you of the expectations you have and there potential to derail your contentment? Do you agree or disagree with what Swenson says? Leave me I comment. I'd love to hear what you have to say.

We're All in This Together

Isolation

Do you ever feel like you’re the only person who messes things up the way you mess things up? Everyone around you seems to have it all together. And here you are, bungling life at every turn. That sense of being the only ones to fail can get in the way of accepting ourselves. It can make contentment with ourselves close to impossible.

As often as culture can be blamed for some of our problems, this is one of the areas where it has moved in a positive direction in recent years. Authenticity and transparency are buzz words today. And this means that people feel freer to admit their failings and shortcomings. Granted, we also get to see a little bit too much of some people’s dirty laundry. But on the whole, people don't work as hard to hide their every fault.

Why is this good? Because it breaks that isolation. For example, in my mom circles there's a certain sense of relief that comes when another mom admits to a failing, such as yelling at her kids. We all think, aha! I'm not the only one. Suddenly we’re not alone. And we don’t feel so messed up. We're reminded once again that we are, after all, human.

Does this absolve us from doing wrong? Absolutely not! But it does free us from the oppression of guilt. And more importantly, it gives us the proper perspective. Only God is perfect. And while we're encouraged by Scripture to "be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matt. 5:48), admitting our imperfection also means admitting we can't do this on our own. And neither can anyone else around us. As human beings, we’re all in this together.

The next time you're tempted to come down on yourself for messing things up, remember that you are human. Remember that we all mess up. We're all in need of forgiveness. Acknowledge that it comes with being a clay-footed being. And see if that doesn't stir you to a greater sense of acceptance of who you are (even as it also stirs in you a longing for a day when sin will be past).

Plan a Meal That Will Let You Rest

It's Saturday again. Will you be taking a day of rest, a Sabbath, tomorrow? If so, what can you do to prepare for it today?

Last week we looked at starting small by putting out the clothes you plan to wear the next day (or putting them out the day prior to when you'll take a day of rest). This week I'd like to talk about meal planning - not planning your whole week or month's meals, just a plan for meals on your day of rest.

Why put together a meal plan? For one of two reasons:

• If you're a foodie, then you might want to plan a meal that allows you to play and explore in the kitchen. To make it less like work (and save making a trip out to the grocery store), it helps to have everything you need on hand. This means sitting down the day before and selecting which (new?) meal you'd like to make. And then taking the time to be sure you have all of your ingredients and going out to buy whatever you still need. This is how my husband likes to operate. Having time to plan and prepare a meal is enjoyable to him.
• If, on the other hand, you're like me and cooking is a necessary evil, then you'll want to free up your day of rest from this chore. This means you also need to plan your meals, and in particular the big meal of the day, whether midday or evening meal. Then you'll want to shop for any ingredients you don't have on hand. But for you, there's another consideration: you may want to think about planning a no-cook meal or a prepare-ahead or crockpot meal. Anything you can do to free yourself from the kitchen will provide you with more opportunity to rest. It may mean you tap your foodie spouse to be the chef for the day (like I sometimes do. Except when DH offers to cook, which is actually more often than not).

Do you have a plan for your Sabbath meal yet? What can you do today to make mealtime more enjoyable and less like work? If you do this already, let me know. I'm interested to hear what other people do for work-free (or less work) Sabbath meals.

Finding Our Purpose in Life, Our "Inner Necessity"

“By slowly converting our loneliness into a deep solitude, we create that precious space where we can discover the voice telling us about our inner necessity- that is, our vocation.” 

Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life 

by Henri J. M. Nouwen

" What is the meaning of life?" "What am I here for?" "What do I offer the world that no one else can?"

I remember in college hearing other students ask these questions and wrestle to find the answers. And I asked those questions myself. In fact, the older I get, the more I ask the latter two questions. Why? Because I don't want to get to the end of my life and find I've missed out on being who I was meant to be.

Some people seem to settle into their place in the world rather quickly. They have a knack. They have a clear ability that leads them into a field of work in which they thrive. But, particularly in the world of today, many more people flounder. They move from job to job. They find good work, interesting work, but never quite feel fulfilled. They haven't found their calling. Or as Nouwen would say, they haven't found their "inner necessity".


So how do we create that "precious space"? How do we convert our loneliness into a deep solitude in a face-pace, information-laden culture?


It's not easy. But if the reward is finding that voice that reveals our "inner necessity", then isn't it worth it? Should we not slowly settle into a deep solitude where we can listen?


If you've created space for listening to that voice and have discovered your inner necessity, please share what you did and what it has meant to you.

The Benefits of Transition

It's a week of transition in my household as my three children return to school this week. We're enjoying the last  drops of summer laziness, even while filling a pitcher of preparedness for the new routine to come. And like every year, ever since I was a little girl, my heart has been going pitter-pat at the thought of a new school year. I've always approached back-to-school time with gleeful anticipation and with good reason: transition grows us. Here are some benefits I think we gain and which can boost our contentment as we go through transition of any kind:

1. Transition offers a new start with new opportunities. This is one of the things I've always liked best about fall and a new school year. The change in teachers and classmates seemed to offer up the chance for new relationships (or improved ones). And it meant the chance to learn new things. So how about you? As we head into fall and a new school year, even if you (or your children) aren't headed off to class, what new opportunities are presenting themselves? Is there a volunteer position you've been thinking about trying that starts up in fall? Will you be encountering new people during the course of your daily routine? Take the time to look at your routine with fresh eyes and search for the opportunities that might be there.
2. Transition creates a chance for careful consideration. At least I hope it does. It's common in American culture to think through life and make resolutions when we approach the New Year. But why not do the same during any transition and particularly prior to a new school year? Sure, it takes time to do this, but when you think of how streamlined your life can be when it's aligned to your priorities, it is well worth it. Can you find a two- to three-hour stretch of empty time (or even longer) where you can contemplate your dreams and purposes, and can evaluate your current activities and commitments against the grid of those dreams  and purposes? Do so, then resolve to make changes where activities don't fit.
3. Transition gives you an excuse to dump the bad stuff. Things are changing already, so why not take some control over that change yourself? In your time of contemplation, did you discover habits you've fallen into that sabotage your productivity? Make a vow to dump them and then change up the patterns that trigger those habits. I'm planning to chunk my activities during my work day in an effort to ditch the rabbit-trail mentality that leads me astray too often. But it doesn't just have to be habits. Anything that has been weighing you down, that you have the power to get away from, can be dumped as part of your transition - even unhealthy relationships.

Embrace the new season that's upon us. Look for other benefits that come from transition besides these. Purpose yourself to work within the transition toward a deeper level of contentment.

Preparing to Rest

Do you take a day (or two) off each week? Or do the demands of life spread themselves across all seven days? It's hard to get away from everything that needs to be done, isn't it. But here's the thing:

We need rest. We were made to rest. Our bodies have limits, beyond which they lose optimal function. And it's not just nighttime rest that we need. We also need regular intervals of longer cessation from work and striving. Vacation is one way we recharge for longer periods, but our bodies need a more regular break. To function best, we need a day of rest each week. We need a Sabbath.

Yet that day of rest doesn't just magically appear. It's no longer a part of our culture. What this means is that if we're to give ourselves a weekly break, we need to be intentional about it. The responsibility for making it happen rests (no pun intended) with us. And it requires, ironically, some work to carve out that time for a day off.

So I'd like to begin a weekly post here about some practices we can use to prepare the way for a day of rest. I'm calling them "Saturday Sabbath Starters". We'll look at some actions we can take the day prior to our Sabbath that will pave the way for a restful 24 hours. In my case, I have typically made Sunday my day of rest, hence my preparations occur on Saturday. If your situation requires you to work on Sunday, then you may need to implement your Sabbath preparation on a different day.

Here's my first suggestion for those of us desiring to capture a day of rest:
The evening before, select what clothes you'll wear that day. If you're like me, that means a set of church clothes and then relaxing clothes for the remainder of the day.
If you have young children, put out their clothes as well. And encourage older children pick what they'll wear.

Try it. Then let me know what impact this Sabbath Starter had on your day of rest. We'll add other practices in weeks to come.

Where Are You Empty?

“The primary reason God withholds certain blessings, the lack of which creates big, empty places in our hearts and lives, is so He can fill those empty places with Himself. He cannot fill with the best what is already full with the mediocre.” ~ Lydia Brownback, Contentment: A Godly Woman's Adornment

Where are you empty? What is it you are lacking right now? Maybe it's a sense of security as our nation and world struggle through unprecedented economic uncertainty. Maybe you find yourself at the end of your rope in parenting - you have no idea what to do next. Maybe you're lonely, even in those times when you find yourself surrounded by people.

We all have those times in our lives where we are crying out to God for something that we lack. And He seems silent. He doesn't seem to care. Could it be like Brownback suggests, that God would rather we be emptied to allow room for Himself? 

What would happen, if in those moments where we face that lack, that emptiness, instead of asking God to fill it with what we desire, we ask Him to fill it with Himself? We have nothing to lose. But maybe we have everything to gain.

Augustine is known for praying a prayer that acknowledges this as truth. It goes like this:

“Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee..”

 I wonder if I'm daring enough to pray that prayer, to stop asking God to give me what I want, and instead ask Him to give me what He wants. Are we daring enough to let go of the mediocre so that we might be filled with the best?

How to Fit It All in Your Schedule

Last year I surveyed a group of women about the biggest challenge they face in their everyday lives. The response was nearly unanimous: dealing with their schedules. But I don't think it's just women, I think everyone today - men, women, children - is faced with a dazzling array of options and opportunities so numerous that it gets paralyzing. We go, go, go and do, do, do. And at the end of the day when we flop in to bed exhausted, all we can think about is what we didn't get done or we missed out on doing.

How do we handle this? What do we do with the overload in our schedules and the frustration of never feeling caught up and always being tired? I think much of the answer lies in finding balance. And to find balance, we need to regularly visit our priorities and allow them to guide our decisions about our time.

Today I found a post over at Michael Hyatt's blog that offers a very practical tool for taking control of time issues. Being proactive in ways like this can take us a long way toward bringing balance to our daily lives. And balance is one of the keys to contentment with our schedules. Check out Creating an Annual Time Block and see what you think.

Can That New School Outfit Make You (or Your Kid) Content?

Back to school shopping and contentment. You might not think the two topics relate, but stay with me here. Think back to when you were a school-aged person. Remember what made you at least a little excited about going back to school (and for most of us, that wouldn’t be sitting at a desk all day or doing homework)? Was it your new Wonder Woman or Patridge Family lunch box? Or maybe that cool Trapper Keeper your mom finally let you have. Maybe you spent hours shopping for, and then modeling in front of your bedroom mirror, that new first-day-of-school outfit.

Now think back with me some more: how long were you happy with those things? That lunchbox was probably pretty cool for a few weeks, maybe even the whole school year, or at least until it got dented when you accidentally dropped it down the stairs. The Trapper Keeper might have satisfied you only until you had long enough to stuff it full. Then once you realized how heavy it was, it might not have been “all that”.

And the outfit? Now we’re treading on dangerous ground. The staying power of a new set of clothes might only last as far as the edges of the playground. It did for me. I remember one year going to school on “casual dress day” (at my parochial school this is what they called special days where you didn’t have to wear a uniform). I was wearing what I thought was high fashion. I had on a new shirt and… a pair of culottes, those wide-legged knee-length pants that were all the rage in the ‘70’s. But here’s the thing: when I arrived at school, I stood at the edge of the blacktop looking out across the kids playing there (my school had a parking lot for a playground – actually it still does). And among those kids, not a single girl was wearing culottes. And that’s when I learned that “fashion” is not for the faint of heart. Suddenly I didn’t want to be seen in my new outfit. I didn’t want to be different, no matter how “fashionable” it would have been. I turned and ran the entire eight blocks home to change clothes.

Now I’m not shopping for new school clothes for myself this year. And I’m not going to stop my kids from picking out an outfit that they think is “fashionable” for the first day of school. But as we approach back to school shopping, I’m reminded of how we tend to rely on external things, like outfits and lunchboxes, smart phones and minivans, to give us satisfaction through their potential to effect our “image”. But if we’re not content with ourselves without those props, chances are, we won’t be any more so with them. And whatever satisfaction we gain from them will be only momentary.

We are made to be more than consumers, more than people labeled by our accessories. We’re made to be image bearers of the One who made us. If we can find our satisfaction in that, then it won’t matter how we accessorize on the outside. The new back-to-school gear (or whatever it is that we adults shop for this time of year) will simply be another thing to enjoy for itself and not for what it does for our image. And that’s contentment for back to school and beyond.

Stringing Beads of Contentment

What does "contentment" look like?

On the first day of August, in blistering heat, contentment for me was relaxing beside a pool on a shaded lounge chair while my girls played nearby in the water. Ah, bliss!

Recently I also found contentment while sitting in a pop-up camper listening to the rain patter on the roof as I played a game of Bananagrams with my family.

And today, I'm content to sit alone in my office, scented candle burning, dog lazing nearby, as I type away at my computer.

You see, contentment can encompass so many different experiences and moments. Maybe contentment for you today is something entirely different from the examples I just mentioned.

Here's the thing: practicing the discipline of contentment means finding ways to string these moments together in a tighter and tighter strand until they seem one unbroken moment. Does contentment mean an idyllic life of continuous enjoyment? No. But it does mean learning to find that settledness in the midst of any and every circumstance.

How about you? What has contentedness looked like for you lately?